Forgiving has much more to do with me than with the other person.
The English word forgive is pretty descriptive, because what I do is ‘give back’. When I can get to that point where I am not emotionally attached to that situation anymore, then I have the opportunity to become conscious of it and see the situation more realistically. I am saying it this way because most of the time (with me always) I also have something to do with the situation ‘going bad’.
Anyways, coming back to the point – Someone hurt me, someone did something bad to me – I ‘give’ that thing back to that person. It is very important to realize that I don’t forgive in the sense that I bury the hurt, or explain to myself something like ‘It is ok after all’. No. I do not forget, I remember, I don’t allow it to happen again. But I can separate myself from the situation with an open heart, give that wrongdoing back – as it is not mine -, and release myself.
It is important to understand why such things happen; Understand, so that they may not happen again. We are all different and this is my personal understanding of why hurt happens most of the time: It is because we have some relationship-related problems that are yet unresolved. Put more simply, we have an unmet need and we bring that into situations to solve them. One example: I am a people pleaser and I act like that. This behavior triggers people. I am likely to meet people sooner or later who will want to take advantage. My unmet need may be that I am afraid to lose my sense of safety and I chose a behavior that I think will help me get some level of safety: I become a people pleaser. The other person will have some kind of unmet need also if they want to take advantage of the situation.
I know I have forgiven when my energy shifts.