Let me talk about the “strange” ideas first. I have thoughts like “I will only be happy when I get rich.”, “I must be super sexy and then I will be happy.”, “Happiness is all about self-confidence. And I don’t have enough of it.”
I realize that the problem is that I am “conditioned” to comply. How is it possible? Why would I let it happen?

This is one key to understanding: I am taught to think that there is something wrong with me and I don’t have enough of good things – I could summarize my general state of mind with this belief: I need something.

One other possible key to understanding: Ok, I get it that I am conditioned to think that “I need more”. Now that I know, how is possible that I cannot change this belief of mine? It doesn’t seem to make sense and looks like an unsolvable paradox. One probable answer: Hidden trauma. Trauma works in a way that it blocks the thoughts, emotions, and ultimately the mind to make sense of what happened and it creates logic (thoughts) as a defense mechanism – in this case: “I need something to overcome my lack.” (“Look how happy the other person is by having a brand new car. This will be the solution”).

I want to think differently about this.

I want to realize that happiness for me is much more about being a person in balance, seeing my rich inner world, being able to let my True Self guide me, working on having healthy relationships with others, and so on.

Actually, I don’t need to tell myself what I want this way. It sounds a bit like some kind of order to myself and another cliche. Rather my job is to find out what is causing my painful feelings, what is blocking me. Once this part gets better my ideas for a happier life will unfold naturally.