“I don’t have self-confidence because I am afraid. What am I afraid of?” If this resonates with you, then this self-inquiry exercise may be valuable to you.
Self-observation on why I don’t have self-confidence
- I always fall back.
- I always question myself. I become anxious.
- I am just afraid I will screw it up.
- This has to do a lot with how I relate to people. Even if my lack of self-confidence shows up everywhere.
- Right now I am angry. My anger has to do with someone abusing my limits.
- Sometimes I just feel like giving up. Then it is not anger. But sadness.
- I don’t dare to confront.
- I try to convince myself that I am worthy.
- And I am trying to convince others that I am worthy. In all kinds of ways. Sometimes I am trying by being overly kind and ‘forgiving’. Sometimes I am trying with aggression.
- Many times I just lose my consciousness when the situation gets too tense. I mean when I am trying to convince the world around me. I either overachieve or underachieve.
- I just don’t know what causes my lack of self-confidence.
- This works! I need to find what causes it.
- What is the real root cause?
- Am I not good enough? That is hardly the answer.
- …
- It is not because I don’t trust myself. Indeed, I don’t trust myself but it is not the cause.
- This is the real root cause: I don’t have self-confidence because I am afraid to lose my sense of safety.
- This sounds strange but it is true.
- In other words, I don’t have self-confidence because I am afraid!!!
- I am afraid of what others will say.
- When I really think about it deeply, this is what I see in myself: When I look at myself in times of lack of self-confidence, I see that I start to question myself because I start to think about what others will think. And this is why it is the real cause.
The above self-observation exercise is just one possible flow of associations. It is meant to stimulate you, and by no means is it implied that it is about you.
