Why am I restless? Why can’t I calm down? If you ever asked these questions from yourself consciously then congratulations! It is a very good sign. And this post may be of some help to you.
By restlessness, I mean this inner need to ‘hurry up’ may be coupled with some level of confusion – a disorganized type of urge to act. This can be sudden and can be a general state of mind.
(I am not talking about anxiety or panic. Those are harder forms of pain – and if you think that you have those then I would kindly like to ask you to seek more help.)
The reason I am writing this post is that this state of mind actually offers a very good opportunity for self-development. Because when I am in this “restless state of mind” I think that…Actually, I don’t know what I think. But I am still functioning – shall I say that my nervous system, brain, and consciousness is still available. So the opportunity is that I may be able to look at the root of my restlessness. It doesn’t just come out of nowhere.
The below ‘method’ works for me. Maybe you will find some parts in it that work for you too.
1) I Decide to catch myself
I just tell myself that I need to catch myself when I realize that I became restless. This is actually not that hard in my experience. I just take it seriously that this behavior of ‘catching myself’ has to be part of my general setup. To me, this is consciousness in action.
Speaking of “catching myself”. Are you many times in a hurry in certain situations and get exhausted? Exercise catching yourself with this “Self-observation on why I am always in a hurry”.
2) I Become “basic”, “primitive”, “primal”
This is the key part. I become very basic, ‘primitive’, primal in my approach to phrasing the cause of my restlessness. What I do here is I try to find the reason why I became restless in a very very primitive way. Here are some examples:
- I need to achieve something great.
- I am afraid of losing my safety.
- I will be ashamed if this is not perfect.
- I am too stupid to do this.
It can take time to get used to this but it just gets better all the time. Writing it down can help a lot – Take it as a diary for the very present moment. I find this approach so useful and important that I wrote a separate post on it. Take a look here: The strength of phrasing my problems in a short and basic way.
3) I am ok with how it unfolds
I don’t mind if more than one cause shows up. (Actually, I do. I am just telling myself that it is ok.)
4) I play chicken
I go on in this restless state. What I mean is that I am trying to go on doing what I am doing and try not ‘chicken out’. And meanwhile, I am trying to hold the above realization in my mind also. In other words, I am looking at it and making it conscious.
5) I get fed up
I have no problem letting this thought go when I get overwhelmed. Or just simply angry and fed up. It is a good sign if I get pissed off. At this time of overwhelm and ‘giving up’ I usually find that I am much less restless than before. For me personally, it is usually still there to some extent but manageable. Even better: I feel a sense of relief. I know that people have this experience pretty similar to mine and that is a big relief too.
Some other thoughts
I know that the above is a kind of general flow of how we can become more aware. Still, I am proud to have discovered it. Especially the part where I need to phrase the cause of my restlessness in a very basic and primal way. That has been a turning point for me.
When I develop a sense of relief, sometimes I can go as deep as to realize that I am no longer interested in the original belief that caused my restlessness. I actually don’t even have to do anything to feel good.
Writing down your ‘basic, primitive, primal’ thought is very effective because it forces you to become more conscious about them. I also found that with these thoughts, less is usually more – a very long description signals to me that it is yet half-cooked. I used to carry a small paper notebook for this. Nowadays I am sending an email to myself from my phone…
The above is just one method and the same can be done in countless other ways.
I try not to communicate with others when I am trying to observe myself in this stage. This may be my personal construct but I usually have a hard time listening to myself and others at the same time. Not to mention if there is some conflict involved.
