"Sometimes expecting the worst isn't wisdom or preparation - it's an old family survival strategy still running in your nervous system, reinforced by a learned belief that you can't change what's coming anyway."
If this resonates with you, what follows may help you see something about yourself.
Seeker
I just… always expect things to go wrong. Like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, constantly.
Companion
What happens in your body when you’re waiting like that?
Seeker
Tight. Everything’s tight. Shoulders up by my ears. It’s like I’m braced for impact all the time. I like it that I am prepared, but I don’t think it is normal to be this anxious all the time.
Companion
Is it preparation, or is it something else?
Seeker
It is not something else. I’m being realistic. Bad things happen. They always do.
Companion
Always. That’s a strong word. Where did you first learn that bad things always happen?
Seeker
I mean… that’s just life.
Companion
Whose life? When did you first know this as truth?
Seeker
My mom used to say… she’d say “Something always happens.” And she was right. Dad lost his job. Grandma got sick. The house flooded. There was always something.
Companion
And your mom – where do you think she learned that?
Seeker
Her parents. My grandfather lost everything in the war. Came here with nothing. My grandmother used to keep cash hidden all over the house, just in case. They were always ready to run.
Companion
So this vigilance, this waiting for disaster – it’s been in your family for generations.
Seeker
I never… yeah. It’s like an heirloom nobody wanted but everyone got.
Companion
What else did you inherit along with this vigilance?
Seeker
What do you mean?
Companion
When all these disasters happened in your family – the job loss, the illness, the flood – what did people do?
Seeker
We just dealt with it. Survived. What else could we do?
Companion
I’m curious about that “what else.” Did anyone try to prevent these things, fight back, change course?
Seeker
No. We just handled what came. You can’t control these things.
Companion
Can’t you?
Seeker
That’s naive. You can’t just make bad things not happen.
Companion
But you spend all this energy preparing for them. What if you spent that energy differently?
Seeker
I don’t follow.
Companion
You’re so focused on bracing for impact. What would happen if you tried to steer instead?
Seeker
I… I don’t know how to do that. Nobody in my family does that. We endure. We don’t fight.
Companion
There’s something here about fighting, about asserting. What happens when you try to actively shape your life?
Seeker
Now that I think about it, it feels wrong. Strangely. Like I’m being arrogant. Who am I to think I can change anything?
Companion
So you wait for disasters you believe you can’t prevent.
Seeker
That was rude. No, sorry, it wasn’t rude. It just hurts because it came unexpectedly. That’s exactly what I do. I’m just sitting here waiting for the bad thing because I don’t believe I can… I’ve never believed I could actually do anything about it.
Companion
Never?
Seeker
Maybe when I was little. But I learned pretty quick that making waves just makes things worse. Better to stay quiet and be ready.
Companion
Ready for the disasters that always come.
Seeker
The disasters that we expect… That we almost summon? By doing nothing to stop them? Fuck. I’ve been living my whole life in my grandmother’s war.
Companion
And your own power? Your ability to act?
Seeker
Buried. I buried it. It’s safer to be helpless, isn’t it? If you can’t change anything, then it’s not your fault when it all goes wrong.
Companion
Safer?
Seeker
No. Not safer. Just… familiar.
What disasters are you preparing for that you've never tried to prevent?
If you want to sit with this question, SelfChatter's journal is built for exactly this kind of inner work.