"The fear of being abandoned often lives right next to something we're already doing — leaving ourselves behind in every interaction, showing up as who we think others need us to be."
If this resonates with you, what follows may help you see something about yourself.
Seeker
I’m terrified people will leave me. I can feel it happening even when nothing’s wrong. Like they’re already halfway out the door.
Companion
What do you do when you feel that?
Seeker
I try harder. Text more. Do more for them. Sometimes I pull back completely before they can leave. I know how that sounds.
Companion
How does it sound to you?
Seeker
Crazy. Self-defeating. But I can’t stop. It’s like I’m watching myself destroy things.
Companion
You said you try harder. What exactly are you trying at?
Seeker
Being what they want. Making them happy. Being… I don’t know, enough.
Companion
When you’re working so hard to be what they want, what happens to what you want?
Seeker
I don’t even think about that.
Companion
Never?
Seeker
Not in the moment. Later maybe, when I’m alone. Then I feel angry. Or just empty.
Companion
So you’re tracking what they need, being what they want, but you’re angry and empty. What aren’t you showing them?
Seeker
What do you mean?
Companion
Well, you just named at least two things — anger and emptiness. Do they see those?
Seeker
No. That would definitely make them leave.
Companion
How do you know?
Seeker
I just know. People don’t want complicated. They want easy.
Companion
Where did you learn that?
Seeker
I don’t know. It’s always been true.
Companion
Always?
Seeker
My mom used to say I was too sensitive. Too much. She said such things in her ‘nice’ way. So I learned to be lighter. Easier.
Companion
And the sensitive parts?
Seeker
Still there. Hidden.
Companion
Hidden from who?
Seeker
Everyone. …Even me, I guess. I am trying to convince myself that I shouldn’t be sensitive.
Companion
You said you’re terrified people will leave. But it sounds like someone already left.
Seeker
What?
Companion
The sensitive one. The one who was “too much.” Where did she go?
Seeker
I sent her away. Shit.
Companion
Is she the one who might actually be able to connect with people?
Seeker
Oh yes. In her own way. But she’s the one who gets left.
Companion
Has she ever actually been given a chance? Or did you decide for everyone else that she’s too much?
Seeker
I… I’ve been leaving myself. Over and over.
Companion
And then being terrified others will do what you’re already doing.
Seeker
Fuck. That’s… I need to sit with this.
Companion
What’s here now?
Seeker
Sad. Really sad. And something else… tired maybe. Of performing all the time.
Who would you lose if you stopped performing, and who might you find if you stayed?
If you want to sit with this question, SelfChatter's journal is built for exactly this kind of inner work.