"The pull you feel isn't toward something out there waiting to be found. It's the pressure of who you haven't become yet."
If this resonates with you, what follows may help you see something about yourself.
Seeker
It’s like there’s this constant tug, you know? Like something’s calling me but I have no idea what. I keep thinking maybe I should change careers or move somewhere or… I don’t know. But nothing specific feels right.
Companion
Yeah, I know that pull. It’s maddening when you can feel the tug but can’t see what’s doing the tugging. How long has this been going on?
Seeker
Maybe a year? No, longer. It comes and goes but lately it’s getting louder. Like I’m supposed to be doing something important but nobody sent me the memo about what.
Companion
When you say “supposed to be doing something important” – what makes you sure it’s a doing? Could it be a becoming?
Seeker
What’s the difference? If I’m becoming something, don’t I need to do something to get there?
Companion
Maybe. But when I’ve felt that kind of calling, sometimes the doing was the trap. Like I kept looking for the right action because I couldn’t sit with just… being in transition.
Seeker
But how do you know if you’re in transition or just stuck? Because right now I feel pretty stuck.
Companion
What would “unstuck” look like to you right now?
Seeker
I’d know what I’m supposed to be doing. I’d have clarity. Direction. Not this vague restlessness all the time.
Companion
So the calling would have a clear sender and a return address.
Seeker
Exactly. Instead it’s just this… pressure. Like something inside me is trying to get out but I don’t know what it is or how to let it.
Companion
Wait, say that again. Something inside trying to get out?
Seeker
Yeah, it’s like… oh. Huh. I keep looking for what’s calling me out there, but maybe…
Companion
Maybe what?
Seeker
Maybe it’s not calling me toward anything. Maybe it’s just… trying to exist. Like there’s parts of me that never got to be anything and now they want their turn.
Companion
That lands different than “I should be doing something important.”
Seeker
Yeah. God, that’s… that’s actually worse somehow. If it’s something out there, I just need to find it. But if it’s something in me that doesn’t exist yet…
Companion
Then what?
Seeker
Then I have to let it emerge or whatever. I can’t just go find it. I hate that. I really hate not being able to just fix this.
Companion
What if there’s nothing to fix?
Seeker
There has to be. This restlessness is driving me crazy. I can’t just live like this forever, feeling pulled toward nothing.
Companion
But you just said it might not be nothing. It might be parts of you that want to exist.
Seeker
Same difference if I don’t know what they are.
Companion
Is it though? One is emptiness. The other is… fullness that hasn’t taken shape yet.
Seeker
Great. So I’m pregnant with myself. That’s super helpful.
Companion
You sound frustrated.
Seeker
Because it doesn’t change anything. I still don’t know what to do.
Companion
What if that’s exactly where you’re supposed to be right now? Not knowing, but gestating?
Seeker
I hate everything about that idea. But… shit. Yeah. That’s probably exactly where I am.
Companion
How does that land – being in gestation instead of being stuck?
Seeker
Terrible. And also… maybe a relief? I don’t know. I’m tired. Can something be both true and completely unhelpful?
Companion
Most true things are.
Seeker
Yeah. Okay. So I’m becoming something I can’t see yet and that’s why I feel called to nowhere. Cool. Great. Now what?
Companion
Now you’re here. In the not knowing, but knowing why you don’t know.
Seeker
That’s it?
Companion
What were you hoping for?
Seeker
I don’t know. Something more… actionable.
Companion
The action might be letting yourself be unfinished for a while. Not comfortable, but maybe that’s the work.
Seeker
Yeah. Maybe.
What parts of you might be pressing for expression that you've been looking for in the wrong places?
If you want to sit with this question, SelfChatter's journal is built for exactly this kind of inner work.