"You may be running your practice the way you'd run a project that's behind schedule. Notice that the breakthrough you're waiting for might be a life you haven't let yourself start."
If this resonates with you, what follows may help you see something about yourself.
Seeker
I’ve been at this for years. Meditation, retreats, the inner work. And lately it’s just flat. No breakthrough. I think something in my method has gone stale and I can’t find what.
Companion
Stale how? Say what flat feels like.
Seeker
Like I sit, I do the things correctly, think correctly and nothing opens. I used to get these openings. Now it’s maintenance. So either I’ve plateaued or I’m missing a deeper layer I haven’t accessed yet.
Companion
You said “correctly.” You’re doing it correctly and it’s not paying out.
Seeker
Right. Which is the frustrating part. By now I should be somewhere I’m not.
Companion
Should be where?
Seeker
I don’t know. Further. Freer. The thing all of this was supposed to get me to.
Companion
Okay, this is a guess and I could be off. You’re describing practice like a machine that’s stopped producing. And the fix you’re reaching for is a better machine. A deeper layer, a sharper method.
Seeker
Because that’s usually what it is. You hit a wall, there’s a subtler thing to learn.
Companion
Maybe. Or the wall isn’t in the practice at all. What if the practice is fine and it’s done what it came to do.
Seeker
Then why don’t I feel finished?
Companion
I don’t know. What would finished feel like, if it weren’t another state you reach?
Seeker
I can’t picture it. Every version I imagine is just a better meditation.
Companion
Let me ask it differently. If you knew no breakthrough was coming, that this is it, the floor is the floor, what would you go do tomorrow?
Seeker
That’s a strange question. I’d probably… I don’t know. Something I’ve been putting off.
Companion
Something specific just moved in you. You looked away from it.
Seeker
Because that’s not the work. That’s just life stuff. The practice is supposed to come first. I get my ground solid, then I have the bandwidth for the rest.
Companion
And the ground’s been not-quite-solid for years.
Seeker
Yeah.
Companion
I might be wrong, but it sounds like the practice can stay unfinished forever, and as long as it’s unfinished, the life stuff waits.
Seeker
I don’t love where that’s going.
Companion
I know. You don’t have to go anywhere with it. Just notice you stopped reaching for the better method about a minute ago, and you’re still sitting here.
If you knew no further breakthrough was coming and this was the ground you'd stand on, what is the one thing you'd let yourself go do? And what makes that "not the work"?
The question doesn't need solving now. If you want to keep it company, SelfChatter is where you can.