"Sometimes the ease you can't stand in other people is a currency you were taught you weren't allowed to spend."
If this resonates with you, what follows may help you see something about yourself.
Seeker
There’s this guy at work. He walks into every meeting like the room already agrees with him. Pitches half-baked ideas like they’re finished. And everyone just eats it up. I sat there yesterday wanting to scream.
Guide
What was the scream about, if it had words?
Seeker
That it’s nothing. He’s coasting on nerve. I do three times the prep and thinking, and I’ll caveat myself to death, and he says “here’s what we’re doing” and gets the nod. It’s not fair.
Guide
Okay. I’m not going to pretend to know the guy. But the part that catches me is how much heat this has. Unfairness usually stings. This sounds closer to rage.
Seeker
Because it is unfair. You’d have been annoyed too, sitting there.
Guide
Sure. I’ve been in that chair. This will sounds way too wise but what I noticed in those times was that I wasn’t actually annoyed at the guy. I was annoyed the whole time at myself, and he was just where it landed.
Seeker
That’s different. I’m not insecure about my work. My work’s good.
Guide
I believe you. I’m not talking about the work. He says “here’s what we’re doing.” You said you caveat yourself to death. What stops you saying it flat like he does?
Seeker
Because I don’t just assume everyone should listen to me. That’s, I don’t know, that’s obnoxious.
Guide
Say more about obnoxious.
Seeker
There was a saying in my family for this. “Big for your boots.” You didn’t put yourself forward in our house. You waited to be asked. This guy was never told to wait for anything, you can just tell.
Guide
So he’s breaking a rule you’ve kept your whole life.
Seeker
I guess. I keep it well. I’m the reasonable one. I’m the one who checks whether I’m sure before I open my mouth.
Guide
And it costs you something to keep it that well.
Seeker
What’s that supposed to mean?
Guide
Only that people don’t rage at rule-breakers unless part of them wishes they could break it too. I could be wrong. But the size of this doesn’t feel like distaste. It feels like something you want and won’t let yourself have.
Seeker
I don’t want to be like him.
Guide
I didn’t say like him. I said the thing under it.
Seeker
…The walking in like the room’s already yours. Yeah. Fine. I’d like to know what that feels like once. Not the showing off. Just not apologizing before I’ve said anything.
Guide
That’s a different thing than obnoxious.
Seeker
It doesn’t feel different to me. It feels like the same crime. If I let myself do it I’d be exactly what I can’t stand. I’d be big for my boots.
Guide
So the anger’s been holding a door shut.
Seeker
Don’t. I hear where that goes. That I’m supposed to go be confident now. I can’t just do that. That rule isn’t a suggestion, it’s, it’s in the walls. I don’t even know who I’d be without it.
Guide
You don’t have to know right now.
Seeker
I really thought this was about him.
If taking up space stopped being a crime, what would you finally let yourself do that you punish other people for doing now?
If you read back the conversation: notice where the guide quietly became the one who knows — naming things, settling them. That feels normal because it happens so often. It's also where your own sense of direction can go quiet. SelfChatter adds a second voice that just makes those moments visible, so the direction stays yours.