Writing a personal diary is one of the most effective tools for anyone seeking more self-awareness, a more organized, and happier life. 

Below, I am offering a twist, a different approach to writing a personal diary. I believe the approach, tips, and ideas below can make a huge difference. 

The goal

The goal of this type of personal diary is to consciously help your own self to become more self-aware and understand yourself better.

The ‘thing’ to do

You will want to write down 

• Your questions about your own self, behavior, challenges, struggles – to yourself. And your inner dialogue, self-reflections about these.
• Your recognitions of yourself.
• Your wins and positive changes.

Tips

Use basic wording and short sentences 

This may sound controversial, and I am not saying that this is the only way at all. We are all different, and certainly do what works best for you. Anyway, here is why I think this can be very effective:

• It forces you to “cook” your thoughts.
• It helps to concentrate.
• You can be quick. 

Consider using a physical paper diary

• This way it is not your phone that you grab for – You enter your own world, different from that bloody phone for a while. Having a dedicated tool only for this purpose helps you get into the right mindset. 

Always keep your diary with you

• Consider using a small diary that can maybe even fit in your pocket.
• When I don’t have my diary with me, I just simply use my phone. 

Grab it quickly when the recognition comes

• Don’t wait! Recognition comes quickly and goes quickly. Use your diary to grab the moment.
• You may never even read what you wrote down again, but the act of writing it down helps it to go deeper.

Your diary is yours, no one else’s

• Don’t show it to anyone. Don’t tell anyone that you have one.
• You will be surprised how much you will enjoy having your own secrets.

Results you can expect

• The act of writing them down and not ‘just thinking of them once’ makes your recognitions much more conscious. Expect more clarity, more depth, more dots connected.
• You will have your personal method that will give a conscious frame to your inner work. 

First and above all else, I would like to congratulate you. Did you know that there aren’t that many people who ever ask this question themselves? How do I take my life serious? Just the simple fact that this question comes to you means a lot of things. I envy you 🙂 

This post is short as it is an acknowledgment and reinforcement to you.

I refuse to be afraid because I know I am okay!

I refuse to be afraid, and I don’t let others pass on their own fear to me.

I refuse to be afraid, and I don’t let people bully me!

I refuse to be afraid because I am getting better and better at finding out when there is real danger.

I refuse to be afraid and do not let some people manipulate me!

I refuse to be afraid because I know that it’s a dirty trick how some people want to control my life!

I refuse to be afraid because I am freaking fed up with it!

I refuse to be afraid because I have consciously chosen a different path in my life.

I refuse to be afraid and choose relationships based on other dynamics.

I refuse to be afraid, and people will treat me differently.

I refuse to be afraid because I am entering a new chapter in my life where constant fear is not needed anymore. 

I refuse to be afraid and surround myself with people who accept me.

I refuse to be afraid because I dare to face my fears.

I refuse to be afraid and take care of my mental, emotional, and physical health.

I refuse to be afraid because it feels fantastic to be brave!

I refuse to be afraid and encourage others to do the same.

I refuse to be afraid because I am learning more ways to calm myself and go back to normal.

I refuse to be afraid because my consciousness is growing.

I refuse to be afraid, and I am constantly flushing it out of my nervous system and thought patterns.

I refuse to be afraid because I know that there are a lot of other people who are like me.

I refuse to be afraid, and I know that my bravery is not arrogance.

The strength of phrasing my problems in a short and basic way is about deeply understanding my own self.

There is zero greatness to this post, no big revelations. It’s just that the subject is important, and there is a chance you will become more effective with your inner work. 

The method

Phrasing it

It sounds obvious, but you have to phrase it to name it. Otherwise, you run the risk of just endlessly ‘walking in a mist’. This is much more important than it looks, because it is so easy to be unconscious when we are in a conflict, a great deal of anxiety, or stress. Tell yourself to phrase your problem when it appears.

Why basic?

When you are basic it is a sign that you have gone deep. Your Self is basic. In the best way possible.

Why short?

Your true self hardly phrases thoughts and emotions in 30-word sentences. When your phrasing is short enough, it usually means that you have cooked it well.

Resonate

Go with what resonates with you. Your thought about your problem is only yours; no one else needs to understand it. And no one else needs to resonate with it. What matters is that it is true to you.

Change it as your understanding develops

It is a very good sign if you change it. It means that you are deepening your understanding. And you may change it back to a previous one; and that is all okay too.  

Have discipline

Phrasing your problems in a short and basic way will actually help in having discipline. It is less energy up front, and gives enough punch to get to the next step. 

An example

“Why don’t I get what I want?”

• It is short.
• It is basic.
• (It does resonate with me. There is much more to it for me than what meets the eye.)

Did you ever consciously or unconsciously ask yourself these questions? Why don’t I fit in the world around me? Why do I feel like an outsider? Is there something wrong with me that I am not able to ‘feel good’ like others?  

Good news number one

There are far far more people who feel this way than most of us think. (And they pretty much do the same thing: Try to hide that they don’t fit in.)

Good news number two 

What do I exactly not fit into? A sick environment? Good!!

So not fitting may actually be a strong sign that I am healthy in mind.

I have been thinking quite some why this matter is actually so painful. Here is a work-in-progress list of thoughts.

We are social beings and we want to belong. 

Be it our family of origin, our workplace, country, and so on – most of the people I talk with on this (and who have thought it over to some degree) agree that they see the same level of dysfunctionality in all of those environments.  So we are left with this seemingly intractable conflict that we don’t want to leave the environments we found ourselves in but we are suffering in it.

Shame

We can very easily feel shame and think that there is something wrong with us when we see that many people behave and think very differently from us. 

Sadness

It is sad to realize that some people are so unconscious that this thought of not fitting in doesn’t even come close to them in their lives. I know it sounds opinionated and I understand that it is probably my problem that I would like to ‘save’ people. Nevertheless it is there and I hear other people have a hard time with this too.

Spiritual bankruptcy and depression

(The term is not mine and I read it first when I read about shame but it may belong here too.) We come to this world with full of potential, with an open heart and benevolent intentions and it seems as if the more we are open the more we seem to get robbed. 

Any way out?

I admit this is a tricky question and I am using it to provoke myself a bit further. 

So how do I – WE – find our way out? 

I think that we found the way out. Right the minute when we became conscious that we do not fit in. I take that as good news number three. The problem is not with us.

(There could be so many other things that we could talk about when we think about why we do not fit in. Like how the social systems we built are a mirror of humanity’s thought patterns and how we could change them; Or what coping mechanisms people use to compensate this. Maybe later, or in a separate post. Nevertheless one thing I trust we can all agree on: Any form of aggression is nor an acceptable, neither a proper ‘coping mechanism’.)