Most people in westernized countries live an adrenalized lifestyle. It is so widespread and so widely accepted that we do not even know that we do it, why we do it, and how destructive, and useless it is. 

Addicted to adrenaline

Yes, adrenaline can be addictive. Imagine what a continuously heightened physical state does to your body in the long run…And to your state of mind, beliefs, and relationships.

We praise our adrenalized lifestyle

Many people secretly, and openly praise our adrenalized lifestyle. Our society secretly, and openly praises our adrenalized lifestyle. It’s a cliche but true: Anywhere you look you find a call for an adrenalized lifestyle. We do this to ourselves. We take on this addictive and obsessive behavior unknowingly and unconsciously. And we pass it on to each other without noticing.

We mistakenly find that an adrenalized lifestyle is better

(The whole thing looks like some kind of collective hallucination…) 

We find that working faster creates more value (at least many ‘managers’ do). 

We find that drinking more coffee will make us more effective.

 We find that talking fast is the way to do it.

We like to use our ‘need for speed’ as an excuse not to go deep into something. 

We like to overvalue people’s activities when they are doing them in a hurry – ‘Oh, he must be doing something very important if he is in such a hurry.’

We find that it is good to encourage each other to do more, overwork, and hurry up. 

We teach our kids to always be on the edge.

Let’s live a de-adrenalized lifestyle

How about valuing relaxation.

How about valuing deep thinking, and deep emotions,  how about not being half-cooked.

How about claiming back our peace of mind and common sense.

How about valuing the type of kindness and confidence that comes from a mature person. 

How about not letting others break our limits.

How about not letting others even try to control us or make us do things that we don’t want to.

Forgiving has much more to do with me than with the other person.

The English word forgive is pretty descriptive, because what I do is ‘give back’. When I can get to that point where I am not emotionally attached to that situation anymore, then I have the opportunity to become conscious of it and see the situation more realistically. I am saying it this way because most of the time (with me always) I also have something to do with the situation ‘going bad’.

Anyways, coming back to the point – Someone hurt me, someone did something bad to me – I ‘give’ that thing back to that person. It is very important to realize that I don’t forgive in the sense that I bury the hurt, or explain to myself something like ‘It is ok after all’. No. I do not forget, I remember, I don’t allow it to happen again. But I can separate myself from the situation with an open heart, give that wrongdoing back – as it is not mine -, and release myself. 

It is important to understand why such things happen; Understand, so that they may not happen again. We are all different and this is my personal understanding of why hurt happens most of the time: It is because we have some relationship-related problems that are yet unresolved. Put more simply, we have an unmet need and we bring that into situations to solve them. One example: I am a people pleaser and I act like that. This behavior triggers people. I am likely to meet people sooner or later who will want to take advantage. My unmet need may be that I am afraid to lose my sense of safety and I chose a behavior that I think will help me get some level of safety: I become a people pleaser. The other person will have some kind of unmet need also if they want to take advantage of the situation.    

I know I have forgiven when my energy shifts.

A change happens in me when I deeply and clearly see the problem I have about myself and realize that it is not true.

Let’s do it through an example: Belly shame

Although I write about it through a specific example and through imagined happenings, please focus on the abstract behavior and mindset behind it (Though I find that the example may be very relevant to most of us). 

1 – I start facing it.

I sit down, close my eyes, and start focusing on my belly. I am feeling the curves, its big size, and the discomfort it is causing me. I am looking at myself from the outside with my imagination and what I see is an ugly, chubby person. I start to feel disgusted with myself. And I start to become depressed. 

I want to escape from the emotional pain and want to give up. I have my usual escapes: I pull back my belly, start to sit up straight, and put a relaxed smile on my face – ‘I am fit and beautiful, I am fit and beautiful…’. It works for one or two minutes and then my disgust and sadness are back. Probably this is the time I should go to the fridge… or head to the gym and start starving. Not that those worked. Nor the idea that I ignore the fact that I am fat and tell myself that I am still ok. 

There is no escape, I sit back in my pain of disgust. Maybe I can take it for one or two more minutes…No, but I cannot, I pass out. I cannot take it any longer. Let me just cry. You won. I am a failure. I admit I am fat.

(what happened: You could come closer to it. You had the courage this time to face it.)

2 – I am separating from it

I am genuinely facing my emotional pain and thoughts about my belly shame. Somewhere I read that the method to start processing my pains is to ‘revisit’ them and look at them consciously. Observe it while being in it. Good that this comes to my mind just at the right moment.

So I try to look at this situation from the outside, like an observer. Sort of like there is me and there is the situation. It is happening to me but I am not it.

Holy shit!! It is working to some degree. I am starting to feel some relief. And I am able to stay in it. What I experience is that I am still feeling those curves and how big my belly is, but I am basically just looking at it. I am not saying that it is physically pleasing but somehow the emotional pain is fading. 

(what happened: You have started to rewire yourself. On all levels.)

3 – Window of additional opportunity

In addition to the above, you may experience some other things. You may consciously realize that your beliefs changed (or even that you can decide how you want them to change.). And maybe not only in connection to the given issue.

If we take the above belly shame example: While you may not like the size of your belly, you are not shame-bound to it. And you may experience that you are now less shame-bound in other areas of your life also.

Notes

• Seek professional help or someone you trust if you feel unsafe! It is important!!! Someone who can hold you emotionally as you are doing your work. Tell that person what you are doing and what help you wish to receive.
• Don’t give up if it doesn’t work ‘soon’ enough. Trust me, you will find no one who did it ‘soon’ enough.
• Experience shows that although we all dream of a sudden and everlasting release, what happens to most of us is that we are going in and out until we fully process it and integrate it. 
• Although the above outlines a specific and consciously known issue, I find that it can work the same way for problems that we are not fully conscious of. 

I stand in my own energy. I do not let others invade my space or drain my own personal energy.

Writing a personal diary is one of the most effective tools for anyone seeking more self-awareness, a more organized, and happier life. 

Below, I am offering a twist, a different approach to writing a personal diary. I believe the approach, tips, and ideas below can make a huge difference. 

The goal

The goal of this type of personal diary is to consciously help your own self to become more self-aware and understand yourself better.

The ‘thing’ to do

You will want to write down 

• Your questions about your own self, behavior, challenges, struggles – to yourself. And your inner dialogue, self-reflections about these.
• Your recognitions of yourself.
• Your wins and positive changes.

Tips

Use basic wording and short sentences 

This may sound controversial, and I am not saying that this is the only way at all. We are all different, and certainly do what works best for you. Anyway, here is why I think this can be very effective:

• It forces you to “cook” your thoughts.
• It helps to concentrate.
• You can be quick. 

Consider using a physical paper diary

• This way it is not your phone that you grab for – You enter your own world, different from that bloody phone for a while. Having a dedicated tool only for this purpose helps you get into the right mindset. 

Always keep your diary with you

• Consider using a small diary that can maybe even fit in your pocket.
• When I don’t have my diary with me, I just simply use my phone. 

Grab it quickly when the recognition comes

• Don’t wait! Recognition comes quickly and goes quickly. Use your diary to grab the moment.
• You may never even read what you wrote down again, but the act of writing it down helps it to go deeper.

Your diary is yours, no one else’s

• Don’t show it to anyone. Don’t tell anyone that you have one.
• You will be surprised how much you will enjoy having your own secrets.

Results you can expect

• The act of writing them down and not ‘just thinking of them once’ makes your recognitions much more conscious. Expect more clarity, more depth, more dots connected.
• You will have your personal method that will give a conscious frame to your inner work.