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Self Chatter

Help God Evolve
  • Collective
  • My Past
  • About
  • Resources

My Past

The below comes primarily from Development Psychology. This is a representation and interpretation of how the self develops, what stages one goes through, what individual needs have to be met to complete these certain steps and stages.

How to conceptualize, understand it?

  • The development of the self is in stages. There are four main stages and while going from one to the next is somewhat gradual, these stages can be distinctly identified.
  • These stages are hierarchical, which means that they build on each other and if one stage is incomplete then the next stage will not be able to fully complete either.
  • In certain parts of our life, we may be more developed and in other parts maybe less so. The majority of people have not yet gone through all these stages completely and t is important to understand that this is not something that one should feel ashamed of – but rather the realization that one has unmet needs.

How can it help you?

  • It can help you to identify where you may have unmet needs that are causing suffering to you and blocking certain parts of your life and so it can help you to identify ‘actions’ for yourself.
  • Also, this can be a very effective tool to “connect the dots” in your life.

 

(Note that just like all other content on Self Chatter it is designed to stimulate, provide ideas. We never claim that “we know better” or that self-development shall be done in certain ways – quite the opposite.)

1 – Co-Dependent Stage

Cared for

When I was a child my parents had the potential and were available for me emotionally and physically when I needed it. They understood my needs as a child and they did not pass on too much of their own needs to be cared for.

Wanted

I was a planned and wanted child. I feel that my being is important, I want to be with people who want me and I want to want them.

Loved

I know that I am loved.
As a child, I received the kind of love that was not conditioned to things like how I behave, how I look, how I comply.
My “love battery” is pretty well charged, I have a relaxing, vibrant, and happy feeling about it.

Nurtured

As a child, I was properly cared for physically.
(I received healthy food in proper amounts in a timely manner that I needed as a child. I got access to nature, fresh air, timely changing of diapers, people not using drugs around me, etc.)
Even if I do not know exactly how I was cared for as a small child and baby I relate to this part of my life with ease and I have a feeling of balance here.

Trust

I have a deeply rooted sense of trust in myself and the world around me. I do not even need to think about it as it is always there.
I am able to trust others and I am intuitively able to choose if something or someone is trustable.
I do not confuse trust with a need to attach to someone for safety.

Safe

My state of mind is that I am generally safe and I am free from inexplicable fear or anxiety.
As a child, I grew up in a safe environment. (Examples: My parents and other caretakers built an environment that was safe for children. The people who I loved and attached to the most (father, mother) were not radiating fear, anxiety, confusion, unpredictability, or other feelings and behaviors that made me feel unsafe, etc.) I have a proper sense of safety and I am able to distinguish between a real and an overreacted threat.

Co-dependent stage

2 – Counter-Dependent Stage

Recognized

I have the good feeling that I am recognized and I feel valuable. I seek recognition in a healthy manner and I recognize other people’s actions.

Encouraged

I feel encouraged to try out new things and my instinctive need for exploration overrules my fear of the unknown and my fear of losing safety.

Mirrored

As a child my emotions and behavior were mirrored by the people I love; I was able to learn about myself through my relationship with them.
(Example: I am in reciprocal relationships and I enjoy mirroring back others.)

Have limits

I have good mental, emotional, and physical limits.
(Examples: I am able to ask for what I want without guilt. I do not let others bully me nor do I bully others. I do not have addictions or I am recovering.
I was brought up with proper limit setting: My parents helped me to have my own space, helped me to regulate my emotions, kept structure.)

Accepted

I am accepted for what I am and I am able to accept others.

Counter Dependent Stage

3 – Independent Stage

Independent

As a result of having completed the previous steps I am independent mentally and emotionally and I have a very strong sense of self.
(Examples: I have my own inner compass in choosing what I want and what I find valuable. I do not rely on others to feel love or feel safe.)

Self-aware

I have a high level of self-awareness and the ability to self-reflect. I got to the level that I know there are levels of awareness and I use my self-awareness as one of my main tools in life.

Confident

I have genuine self-confidence. It is a natural result of my self-awareness and the work I put into overcoming my mental and emotional blocks and traumas. As an example, my confidence helps me to be flexible and recover and correct myself relatively fast.

Self-care

I am able to take care of myself mentally, emotionally, and physically. I have set up my life in a manner that I have a strong level of independence.

Individuated

I have gone through my psychological birth, I have a very solid sense of self and who I am. I enjoy my rich inner world and at the same time have no problem living in the outer world either. I have a sense of wholeness that lives in the present and I see my true authentic self.

Independent Stage

3 – Interdependent Stage

Empathic

I have the ability to genuinely attune with others and understand their being. I have an inner joy and passion for serving others without wanting something in return.

Intuitive

My self-knowledge, my healthy attitude towards reality, and my abstract view of the world result in intuitive knowledge.

Purposeful

I have an inner knowing of purpose. I have a sense of wholeness spiritually and individually, and I am human.

Interdependent Stage
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