Yes, by the deep oneness I am looking for I probably think of the same thing as you do. This kind, gentle, joyful, happy state of being where I feel that I am totally connected with something. I could give this something many names. But more importantly, what I feel about it is that it is alive. And it is very happy being with me. And it has some kind intentions toward me. Maybe intentions is not the best word, but wishes. And this something is so fragile that it is anti-fragile. And it is so kind that it has become indestructible. I am not a poet, but I trust you see this.
The best name I and many others could give this something is consciousness.
The oneness with my mother
Since I started to connect the dots in my life, I understood that my biggest challenge has been my relationship with my mother. Many of us go down this path in our self-development when we go back to our early childhood and make the cause-and-effect relationships between those early days and our present life. This post is not about this path but I would like to talk about one very important thing in relation to this article: As a child, we are all looking for this oneness. And we are looking for this through the person who we are the closest to – luckily for me it was my mother. This is one – if not the – major need we have before we can get to the next steps in our development.
I did not think I got enough of this deep oneness with my mother. And a shift happened with me. I realized that my mother did give me the deep oneness, and togetherness that I was looking for. As much as a human being is capable. Now I understand that I was able to experience it through my relationship with her. I can clearly feel it at any time. She did all she could and she does love me. Even if she is fallible like all of us, it does not matter – I did get it through my relationship with her.
It has been a long time since I felt this sense of liberation when I understood this – I mean that I have been loved. I also understood that this deep oneness that I am looking for is not something that another human being can fully give me. I am not sure which happened first: My deeper understanding of my relationship with my mother or my deeper understanding of this ‘something’ I am looking for. Maybe they happened together. Either way, through our human relationships we can get a glimpse, a peep into it so that we start to ‘remember’ that it exists. Today I look at it as one quality of my independence that I can feel this ‘alone’ – I don’t need anybody, anything external to feel this.
The fall
There is some cut from this oneness today. For a reason. We were in a deeper connection with this oneness before and recently we have turned away from it – perhaps in our quest for more individuation? I am not sure if this separation is one natural step in our development or a ‘mistake’ that should be corrected. But I do see that there is a shift happening and I do believe that this shift is happening independently from our current ego-based, ‘control-seeking’ setup. And I do believe that it is something truly good for us.
