Why I am waiting for something to happen?

“I just can’t figure out what it is I am waiting for in my life.” If this resonates with you, then this self-inquiry exercise may be valuable to you.

(While the below inner dialogue certainly may not be fully about you, it is real. It isn’t altered for a more pleasurable experience, only for readability. If you find it useful, then do your own self-reflection.)

Self-Observation on my waiting for something to happen

• I don’t know what I am waiting for.
• I don’t want to do anything else until this happens. Even if I don’t know now what I am waiting for, I will know when it happens.
• I am afraid to go all in on things until something happens because I am afraid that I will make a mistake or go in the wrong direction.
• I feel very uneasy.
• I am fed up with myself.
• I feel that I am at a standstill.
• There are a lot of things that I don’t want to do. And when I have to do something that I don’t want, it gives me a hard time.
• I want to calm down. Is that all I am waiting for?
• Am I missing love or attention? Or admiration?
• I feel like a victim.
• The thing I am waiting for is not something I lost, but something I did not get, maybe.

Chain of thoughts coming when I am able to go deeper

• I feel stuck.
• I want to feel ready. 
• While I am waiting, I am calming myself with addictions…This is how I cope with the stress that comes with it.
• I am waiting because I do not feel safe to move, to do something.
• I am realizing that this waiting is actually a sign of a level of intelligence. 
• I am starting to realize that this thing I am waiting for will happen in me, not outside of me.
• I want to feel whole. This is the core of why I am waiting
• If I think of God and want to find out if there is something I want from her, then I feel some guilt: Because I want God to show up… I want to know that God exists.
• I need to make a change. It won’t come from outside. I want a change.