“The reason why people are mean to me has to do with my severe problem of my boundaries.” If this resonates with you, then this self-inquiry exercise may be valuable to you.
Self-observation on why people are mean to me
- I am mean to people too. I hate this recognition but it is true.
- I have been working on this exercise for a while and for quite some time all my self-reflection was around the above recognition that I am at least as rude and sometimes more than those I find rude. Until recently, when things took some meaningful turns. Here are the outcomes of my self-reflections after.
- Yes, I am rude to people. It is sad for me to recognize this.
- I get rude to people when I get triggered.
- Almost anything can trigger me. I am in such a state of irritation that the slightest thing can trigger me.
- It is interesting to realize that deep down I still find that I have some righteousness with my anger. Yes, I overreact, yes, I can be a jerk; but still. It isn’t coming out of nowhere.
- The feeling I have is anger.
- I am happy I learnt before that anger is a normal, healthy reaction to some kind of intrusion.
- Bang! Such a change in how I understand myself. All the time I was thinking that I was facing my shadow by seeing that I am also a mean and aggressive person.
- The reason why I get triggered and become mean is because I feel my boundaries are overstepped. This causes my aggression.
- What have those intrusions been in my case? Contempt, judgement, shaming, and probably most importantly, the simple ignorance to my limits.
- My and others’ “mean” behavior has a different light to it.
The above self-observation exercise is just one possible flow of associations. It is meant to stimulate you, and by no means is it implied that it is about you.
