“The reason why people are mean to me has to do with my severe problem of my boundaries.” If this resonates with you, this exercise may be valuable to you.
Self-observation on why people are mean to me
- I am mean to people too. I hate this recognition but it is true.
- I have been working on this exercise for a while and for quite some time all my self-reflection was around the above recognition that I am at least as rude and sometimes more than those I find rude. Until recently, when things took some meaningful turns. Here are the outcomes of my self-reflections after.
- Yes, I am rude to people. It is sad for me to recognize this.
- I get rude to people when I get triggered.
- Almost anything can trigger me. I am in such a state of irritation that the slightest thing can trigger me.
- It is interesting to realize that deep down I still find that I have some righteousness with my anger. Yes, I overreact, yes, I can be a jerk; but still. It isn’t coming out of nowhere.
- The feeling I have is anger.
- I am happy I learnt before that anger is a normal, healthy reaction to some kind of intrusion.
- Bang! Such a change in how I understand myself. All the time I was thinking that I was facing my shadow by seeing that I am also a mean and aggressive person.
- The reason why I get triggered and become mean is because I feel my boundaries are overstepped. This causes my aggression.
- What have those intrusions been in my case? Contempt, judgement, shaming, and probably most importantly, the simple ignorance to my limits.
- My and others’ “mean” behavior has a different light to it.
The above self-observation exercise is just one possible flow of associations. It is meant to stimulate you and by no means it is implied that it is about you.
(If you are new to the concept of self-observation or looking for some practical guidance then maybe read this article: How Self-Observation Works)
