"Sometimes what looks like other people being cruel is what happens in the space where a "no" was supposed to go and never did."
If this resonates with you, what follows may help you see something about yourself.
Seeker
I keep ending up as the one people are short with. My sister, this guy at work who talks over me like I’m not there. I know it’s me. There’s got to be something about me that makes people feel like they can do that.
Guide
You said that fast. Like it’s already settled.
Seeker
Because it kind of is. If it happens with everyone, the common thing is me. Right? I’m not stupid. I just want to know what I’m doing so I can stop doing it.
Guide
Can I ask about a specific one? The guy who talks over you. Walk me into a moment.
Seeker
Last week. I’m in the middle of a sentence in the meeting and he just rolls right over the top, and everyone looks at him, and I let it go. Later I’m sitting there feeling like garbage, thinking why does he treat me like that.
Guide
In the meeting itself, when he rolled over you, what happened in you right then?
Seeker
Nothing. That’s the thing. I just stopped. Let him have it.
Guide
Nothing. No flicker, no anything.
Seeker
I mean. There’s a thing. But it’s not, it doesn’t get to be anything. I sort of go quiet inside too. It’s later that it turns into feeling like garbage.
Guide
So the feeling shows up on a delay. Hours later, aimed at you.
Seeker
Yes, sort of. I think. And by then it’s just proof, isn’t it? That I’m the problem.
Guide
I want to slow down on that word. Later, when it lands as I’m the problem, where does the guy from the meeting go?
Seeker
What do you mean?
Guide
He was there when it happened. By the time you’re calling yourself garbage he’s gone. It’s just you and the verdict.
Seeker
…Huh. Yeah. He’s not in it anymore. It’s just me going at myself.
Guide
The thing you said doesn’t get to be anything. The flicker in the meeting. I don’t think that’s nothing. I think that’s the part that never gets to fire, and it comes back around pointed the wrong way.
Seeker
Don’t make it into I’m angry. I’m not walking around furious. That’s not me.
Guide
I’m not handing you a diagnosis. I’m asking about that half a second before you went quiet. What was it?
Seeker
It’s. God. It’s like, don’t. Just, don’t do that to me. But it never gets out. It’s gone before I even. And then I’m mad at myself for even having it.
Guide
So there’s a don’t. And instead of it going to him it turns around and hits you.
Seeker
I don’t like where this is going.
Guide
You don’t have to like it. I feel for you.
Seeker
Because if that’s true then it’s not that people are mean. It’s that I never once said the thing. And that’s, that feels worse somehow. That’s on me either way.
Guide
I’d be careful there. You just tried to make this a new way to be the problem. Missing where your own line is, that isn’t a crime you committed. Nobody handed you one.
Seeker
Then what do I do with it? If the don’t is real and it never gets out, what am I supposed to?
Guide
I don’t have the move for you. I don’t think you can answer that from here yet.
Seeker
I keep thinking, if I could just be less annoying people would be nicer. But that’s not even the question, is it.
Guide
What’s the question?
Seeker
What happens to me in that half second? Why I’d rather it be my fault than let the don’t out. I don’t.. I don’t know.
When someone crosses you and the flicker of "don't" comes up, what do you do with it in the half second before it turns back on yourself?
If you read back the conversation: notice where the guide quietly became the one who knows — naming things, settling them. That feels normal because it happens so often. It's also where your own sense of direction can go quiet. SelfChatter adds a second voice that just makes those moments visible, so the direction stays yours.