"Every "sorry" might be protecting you from an old fear — that your existence itself is an imposition others have to tolerate."
If this resonates with you, what follows may help you see something about yourself.
Seeker
I apologize constantly. For everything. Even when people tell me to stop, I apologize for apologizing.
Companion
What happens right before the apology comes out?
Seeker
Nothing really. It’s automatic. Like breathing.
Companion
Let’s slow it down. You apologized to someone today — what for?
Seeker
I said sorry for asking a question in a meeting. Then sorry for taking up time.
Companion
What were you apologizing for in those moments?
Seeker
For… I don’t know. For being there? That sounds dramatic. Sorry…
Companion
Does it sound dramatic or does it sound accurate?
Seeker
Both maybe. I do feel like I’m taking up space that isn’t mine.
Companion
Whose space is it?
Seeker
Everyone else’s. People who belong there.
Companion
And you don’t belong?
Seeker
Not really. I mean, I know I do. Logically. But it doesn’t feel that way.
Companion
When did you first learn that your presence needed an apology?
Seeker
I need to think.
Companion
Take your time.
Seeker
My sister was the real thing. My mom used to sigh when I’d come into the room. Like I was another thing on her list. This is how I felt at least.
Companion
What did you do with that sigh?
Seeker
I made myself smaller. Quieter. Started with “sorry to bother you” before I’d even speak.
Companion
You learned to apologize for arriving.
Seeker
Yes.
Companion
What are you imagining will happen if you don’t apologize first?
Seeker
They’ll be annoyed. Think I’m too much. Wish I wasn’t there.
Companion
So the apology is…?
Seeker
Protection. If I say sorry first, they can’t reject me that easily.
Companion
You’re rejecting yourself before they get the chance.
Seeker
Fuck. Yes.
Companion
What would happen if you let them decide for themselves whether you’re too much?
Seeker
I don’t know. That’s terrifying.
Companion
What’s terrifying about it?
Seeker
Without the sorry, I’m just there. Taking up space. Being myself.
Companion
Being yourself is the threat?
Seeker
When you put it that way it sounds so obvious. But yeah. Being myself feels dangerous.
Who would you be in the next conversation if you didn't apologize for your presence first?
If you want to sit with this question, SelfChatter's journal is built for exactly this kind of inner work.