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Why do I avoid going to the doctor?

Self-inquiry exercises • Fear • Shame • Anxiety • Stress September 2, 2026

"Skipping the appointment can feel like scheduling, but staying out of the room may be a way of keeping something from being said out loud."

If this resonates with you, what follows may help you see something about yourself.

Seeker
This is kind of a dumb one. I’ve had a referral sitting in a drawer for like eight months. I keep meaning to call and then just don’t. I think I just need to actually block time in my calendar for it.
Guide
You could. Though people who need a calendar block for a phone call usually aren’t fighting time.
Seeker
Ha. Fair. I’m not exactly slammed. It’s a ten minute call.
Guide
So what happens when you pick up the phone?
Seeker
Nothing. That’s the annoying part. I get the number up and then I find something else to do. Water the plants. It’s not dramatic. I’m not lying on the floor about it.
Guide
I didn’t think you were. What’s the referral for, if it’s okay to ask.
Seeker
Just a thing my GP wanted checked. Probably nothing. Everyone says probably nothing.
Guide
You said probably nothing twice.
Seeker
Because it probably is. Look, I’m a grown adult, I know avoiding it is worse, I’ve read the same articles you have. I just need to be less of a baby about a stupid appointment.
Guide
That’s one way to file it. I notice the second I ask what’s actually on the other side of the call, you go back to it being stupid and small.
Seeker
Because making it big feels worse. If I make it big and then it’s fine I’ve wasted all that.
Guide
And if you keep it small you don’t have to feel whatever the big version is.
Seeker
I guess. Ok. It’s not the appointment. It’s them telling me something.
Guide
Telling you what?
Seeker
I don’t know. That’s the thing. As long as I don’t go, it’s just, it’s nothing, it’s a maybe. The second someone in a coat says the actual words it becomes a fact and then it’s mine and I have to. I don’t know.
Guide
You have to what?
Seeker
Deal with it being true. And there’s a part of me, this is going to sound insane, that thinks if I don’t hear it, it isn’t happening yet. Like I’m holding it off by not booking.
Guide
That doesn’t sound insane to me. It sounds like you found a way to keep it a maybe.
Seeker
But that’s not even the whole thing. When I picture sitting there I get this, like, I feel caught. Like they’re going to look at the results and I’m going to have done something wrong. Let it go too long. Been the kind of person who leaves it in a drawer for eight months.
Guide
So the appointment isn’t only the news. It’s being seen letting it slide.
Seeker
God. Yeah. That’s worse than the news, kind of. The sitting there while someone reads what I did. They uncover part of my nature…
Guide
I want to be careful not to hand you a plan for that, because I think a plan would let you skip past it. Can I just say the shape of it back? It’s not the phone call. It’s that going means being told, and being told means it’s real, and somewhere in there is a room where you get looked at and found to have failed at your own body.
Seeker
When you say it like that I want to book it just to prove I’m not that person. Which is probably me trying to get out of feeling it again.
Guide
Probably. You don’t have to do anything with it tonight.
Seeker
I don’t want to make it a maybe anymore and I really, really do. Both. It’s still in the drawer. But it’s getting serious and I don’t know what I’m going to do about this.

If going to the doctor didn't mean being judged for whatever they find, only being told, would the not-knowing still feel like safety?

What actually shifted

Avoiding the doctor often isn't laziness. For some, staying out of the room keeps a feared diagnosis suspended in "maybe," as if not hearing it holds it off. Underneath there can be a dread of being seen and judged for one's own body, for having let something slide. The avoidance protects against the verdict, not the visit.

Your turn

Where does this show up in your life?

Bring it as it is: a moment coming up, or the way it keeps returning. We find a step that fits how you want to live, and come back to how it went.

You make an account after Start. What you wrote is kept.

Or start from this question:

SelfChatter is a space for self-reflection, not therapy. It is not a medical device and does not diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any medical or mental health condition. For medical advice, talk to a doctor or another qualified professional. If you are in crisis, contact your local emergency services or a crisis line.

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