"The food isn't going into your stomach — it's going into an emptiness that formed long before you could name it."
If this resonates with you, what follows may help you see something about yourself.
Seeker
I keep eating when I’m not even hungry. Like, I’ll finish dinner and immediately start snacking. My body doesn’t want it.
Companion
What happens in that moment between finishing dinner and reaching for more?
Seeker
Nothing really. It’s automatic. I just find myself at the cupboard.
Companion
Nothing? Or something so familiar you don’t notice it anymore?
Seeker
Maybe there’s like a… restlessness? Or no, it’s more like feeling empty. But that doesn’t make sense because I just ate.
Companion
Empty where?
Seeker
Not my stomach. It’s higher up? Chest maybe. Or everywhere. I sound crazy.
Companion
You’re describing something very real. When did you first notice this emptiness?
Seeker
I don’t know. Recently? I always notice it. When I was a kid I remember I used to sneak sweets to my room. Is that relevant?
Companion
What did those sweets do for you then?
Seeker
Made me feel better? Safer? The sweets were my friends… Again I sound crazy.
Companion
The sweets were there when no one else was.
Seeker
Yeah. Exactly. They were company? In my own world. That’s stupid.
Companion
What else wasn’t there that should have been?
Seeker
I mean, my parents were there. They were dealing with their own stuff. They loved me. They just… I was kind of on my own a lot. Had to figure things out myself.
Companion
And food became the thing that was consistently available when you needed comfort.
Seeker
But I’m forty-three. My dad is gone. I’m not that lonely kid anymore. In fact, I wasn’t lonely. I think I just wasn’t where I wanted to be.
Companion
What would happen if you sat with the emptiness instead of filling it?
Seeker
I don’t want to.
Companion
What are you afraid you’d find?
Seeker
That it’s bottomless. That nothing will ever fill it. That I’m still that kid eating chocolate in her room because nobody… because I couldn’t…
Companion
Because you couldn’t what?
Seeker
Because I couldn’t get what I actually needed. And I still can’t. Because what I needed was… was them. But then not any more. Was someone to tell me it was okay, that I was okay, that I wasn’t too much or too needy or…irrelevant.
Companion
The hunger isn’t for food.
Seeker
No. It never was.
Companion
So what is it you’re actually hungry for?
Seeker
I don’t… I don’t even know anymore. It’s been so long since I let myself want anything real.
What are you actually hungry for when you reach for food your body doesn't need?
If you want to sit with this question, SelfChatter's journal is built for exactly this kind of inner work.