Does this resonate with you? “My avoidant behavior comes from my most basic need of being connected.” If so, then this exercise may be valuable to you.
The below is a possible flow of thoughts, emotions, and associations that come up in the mind when doing self-observation on this thought. It is meant to help you go deeper into this thought and stimulate you. By no means it is implied that it is the only flow or it is the same for everyone.
(If you are new to the concept of self-observation or looking for some practical guidance then maybe read this article: How Self-Observation Works)
Self-Observation on my avoidant nature
- I am trying to protect myself.
- It is natural to me that I am trying to protect myself.
- My avoidant nature is self-protection.
- What I can say now that it is ‘this situation’ that I want to avoid.
- I cannot say what I want to avoid. This is why I am saying ‘this situation’. This moment.
- If I avoid it that means I am safe from its bad effects.
- I cannot say what this something is that I want to avoid. It is not conscious but I know that it is not good for me.
Chain of thoughts coming when I am able to go deeper
- There is something that is strange: Why do I stay in it if it is not good for me? If I just walked away there would be nothing to avoid.
- This something that I want to avoid is not here now but it is an image in my head.
- Ah, ok: I want this situation. I am attached to it.
- Then it is again a connection issue, a relationship issue. I need the connection, I am attached to it.
- I want connection but I got used to being in connection that is not fully good for me.
- So what I do is stay in it but avoid it, avoid parts of it. I don’t have a better idea.
- I am in two worlds at the same time.
- What two worlds?
- I want to be myself and want to be in connection. But right now my belief is that if I am in connection then I cannot be myself.
- The reality is that in many connections it is true.
- So what will give me the motivation, the strength to be myself, no matter what?
Notes
- If you are new to the practice of self-observation then here are some ideas that can help: It is very powerful if you write down your thoughts (like with an old-school diary). It is also very powerful if you phrase your thoughts and emotions in a short and basic way.
- Self Chatter is a self-development tool and one of its major goals is to help with self-observation as a major tool to raise your consciousness. Thus you will find these types of self-observations on Self Chatter.
(None of the articles on Self Chatter are generated by AI.)