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Why am I afraid to win?

Fear • Self-inquiry exercises • Inspiring • Independence • Confidence • Anger • Trauma • Shame • Limits • Anxiety • Depression • Stress • Loss October 16, 2023

This is a self-inquiry exercise published on SelfChatter, a consciousness and inner work platform. It is not advice — it is a demonstrated self-reflection: one person’s inner dialogue on a real question, shared as a model for your own self-inquiry.

“I want to change from a mindset of hardships to a mindset of accepting success.” If this resonates with you, then this self-inquiry exercise may be valuable to you.

Self-Observation on why I am afraid to win

  • I dream about becoming successful but when I am getting closer to it – much to my surprise – I realize I am taking my time to get there. I realize that I am afraid.
  • First I think I am afraid of losing, but actually no. I am afraid of what would happen if I finally got what I wanted.
  • I am afraid to face it.
  • Winning is not natural to me.
  • I feel a strong level of suppression in me. This is in connection with my behavior that I don’t want to win. Only in my dreams.
  • Maybe this is depression. But not only. 

 

Chain of thoughts coming when I am able to go deeper

  • I got used to not being successful. But this is not fully true either.
  • It sometimes also feels like I am doing some kind of game. It feels as if I am not taking it seriously. Some kind of sabotage. I am not sure if this is something good or not. 
  • Anyways, it is very true that my mind is just not geared for this kind of life where I have satisfaction and winning. Rather it is geared for hardships. I am constantly on the lookout for what is wrong. I want to change this.
  • This is also very true: Right the moment I get close to thinking about myself as a successful person I get disoriented and confused.
  • Right now I think that I don’t dare to be successful because I don’t feel safe there. This is not a true conclusion. I will change this consciously. 
  • Well, When needed, I will let myself remember that I am safe if I am successful. I am not in danger. 

The above self-observation exercise is just one possible flow of associations. It is meant to stimulate you, and by no means is it implied that it is about you.