“I can't figure out what I want from my life because something is pulling me back into this warm, cradle-like state of being.”
If this resonates with you, what follows may help you see something about yourself. It is a real self-inquiry — one person’s inner dialogue on this question, unaltered except for readability.
Self-reflection on why I can’t figure out what I want from my life
- What is it really I am looking for?
- I want to feel calm and relaxed.
- And sometimes quite the opposite; I want to feel wild.
- I want to feel safe.
- I am looking for love also. And Success.
- Ah, I could go on with this list.
- What I do see about myself now is that I am in a state of chaos.
- I want this chaos to end.
- This chaotic state depletes my energy level, and I just want to relax and calm down.
- I have my ways of calming myself. I go into my warm, dream-like state that is so well known to me. It is like being in a cradle.
- And this ‘cradle’ is sucking me in. It is truly comforting and nurturing.
- But when I observe myself, I see that this is not what I really want. Deep down, I feel that this alone isn’t right for me anymore.
- I don’t want to be ‘sucked into this cradle’ anymore. I don’t just want to be one with it; It is not enough for me; My life has to be about other things too.
- And as I am looking at this cradle, I realize I am afraid of it.
- Actually, it is a big soup of chaotic everything. And the more I immerse myself in it, the more I lose my consciousness.
- I realize now that my ‘cradle’ isn’t just all good. It is actually dangerous.
- And most importantly, it wants to suck me in. It is its nature.
- I am truly frightened to totally immerse myself in it. And I am frightened not to become my own Self.
- It is fear that keeps me confused.
- And luckily, my open heart.
- I cannot think of a better feeling as I am writing these lines than the vision of my open heart. It is coming from both poles.
Is there something comforting in not knowing what you want — and what would you have to face if you did know?
If you want to sit with this question, SelfChatter’s journal is built for exactly this kind of inner work.