Do these statements resonate with you? “I feel I have been waiting all my life.” “I live a muted life and I just don’t know why.” “Why don’t I get what I want?” Then this article may be for you. The goal of this article is to trigger your thinking and self-observation by proposing some possible reasons behind these thoughts.

How may such a thought be formed?

(And why it is so hard to find the way out.)

Let me start with a seemingly primitive statement: The reason why you feel you have been waiting all your life is because it is probably true. It is not an illusion.

You are waiting for something to happen. Inside, you do have this [thought] pattern that you are waiting for something to happen (even if your life on the outside may be active on some or many fronts).

If you are like most of us who suffer from this then you may have a thought pattern similar to this: “I know I am waiting for something but I cannot say what. I have had this thought since I can remember. And I feel trapped. Like having a block that doesn’t let me step through this.” If this resonates then chances are that it was formed in your childhood.

Why is it a possibility? You cannot say what you are waiting for but you find as if you have had this feeling since you remember: You don’t have a ‘pictorial’ memory of it that you can bring up. This is natural as we do not ‘store’ such memory in early childhood, that only starts to happen later. Also, take into account that as a child you have had instinctive needs (the stuff you are waiting for), not something that you created with your ‘grown up’ logic. Nevertheless, you as a person do have an idea that you are yet missing something. This is a shallow description, I apologize, but I hope it goes through. Now add the next paragraph to the situation.  

How about this ‘block’ that I mention above also?: I am referring to Developmental Trauma. This happens in early childhood. Do not think of it as something necessarily brutal, sudden, and life-threatening (although the child may experience it as such). Nevertheless what happens is that the child cannot cope with something and a trauma – block – is formed. This is what trauma does. And this block, until resolved, doesn’t let us process, rewire such a pattern in us like ‘I have been waiting all my life.’. 

Here are some possibilities, as food for thought, what may cause such a mind pattern as ‘I feel as if I have been waiting all my life.’

Possibility #1 – Abandonment

“I am just sitting and waiting for someone to arrive.”

Childhood abandonment happens more often than many would think. We all need strong bonds and if this breaks for a longer time than what we can tolerate as children then it can go with us all our life. Even with the most loving parents, we can develop this mindset. Not to mention more severe abandonment. 

Possibility #2 – Neglect

“I am just looking up to her/him and waiting to be recognized, listened to.”

Neglecting children can be cultural, and intergenerational, and can be a behavior of the whole family. Just like with abandonment.

Possibility  #3 – The narcissistic wound

There is a stage in childhood where we ‘become’ narcissistic. It is when we realize that we are able to do things, able to understand things. We fall in love with ourselves. We develop the feeling that we are capable of anything. We feel like all mighty. This is when we develop love for our own selves. It is fully normal and good. And if it goes ok then this feeling of grandiosity develops into what is called healthy narcissism. But what happens all too often is that our parents and the ‘grown-ups’ around us get triggered by this grandiose behavior and they ridicule and suppress us.  Generally, things can go two ways because of this suppression. We either become narcissistic adults or mute this in ourselves. And we just keep waiting for recognition. 

Possibility #4 – You are more developed than average

You may be more developed in some areas than the people around you. I am not trying to please you with this. Just putting it here as a possibility. Imagine that you are trying to convince someone but that person just doesn’t get it. This doesn’t even have to be a thought that you created with your logic. As examples, it may be that you are able to think in more abstract ways than average, or maybe your moral is higher than average. Imagine that this person who doesn’t get you is your mother or father, who you love the most in the world as a child. What can happen – especially if you are a ‘rescuer’ type – is that you want her/him to understand you and ‘come with you’. And you keep waiting for her/him to get there. All your life…

(Let’s not forget that you may think that you are more developed but in reality, you are struggling with narcissistic wounds. Maybe both at the same time.)

Possibility #n

The list could go on forever. I picked some that happen to so many of us. My goal is to trigger/stimulate so that dots can be found and connected.