""No reason" is often shorthand for many small reasons that weren't allowed to count when they happened. The body keeps the receipts."
If this resonates with you, what follows may help you see something about yourself.
Seeker
It’s been happening for a while now. I’ll be doing dishes or driving and my eyes just fill up. Nothing’s wrong. I have a good life. It’s irritating.
Companion
Irritating is interesting. Not scary, not sad. Irritating.
Seeker
Yeah because there’s no reason for it. I don’t have time to be falling apart over nothing.
Companion
I’ve bumped into this before, in myself I mean. The crying showed up when I finally had a quiet weekend. It felt like a glitch.
Seeker
Exactly. A glitch. Like my body is misfiring.
Companion
Maybe. I’m not sure though. Can I ask something kind of obvious?
Seeker
Sure.
Companion
When was the last time you actually cried about something on purpose? Like, something happened and you cried about that thing.
Seeker
I don’t know. A while.
Companion
How long is a while?
Seeker
I don’t know. My dad’s surgery was last spring and I didn’t cry. My friend moved away in summer. I didn’t cry about that either. I was busy.
Companion
Okay.
Seeker
But those weren’t, like, devastating. People have surgeries. Friends move. It’s life.
Companion
Right.
Seeker
…
Companion
I’m just sitting with that list.
Seeker
It’s not a list. It’s two things.
Companion
Okay.
Seeker
Fine. There’s also the thing with my sister we still haven’t talked about. And my dog. I forgot I haven’t really cried about my dog.
Companion
When did your dog die?
Seeker
February.
Companion
That’s a lot of February to now without crying about your dog.
Seeker
I cried a little. The day. Then I had to go back to work.
Companion
Had to.
Seeker
I had to. I had a presentation.
Companion
I believe you. I’m not arguing. I’m just noticing the word.
Seeker
What about it.
Companion
Nothing. It’s just sitting there.
Seeker
I keep wanting to defend it. Like you’re accusing me of something.
Companion
I’m not.
Seeker
I know. That’s what’s weird.
Companion
What are you defending against, then?
Seeker
I don’t know. The idea that I’m someone who, like, didn’t cry enough about her dog. That feels bad.
Companion
Yeah.
Seeker
But also it’s true. I didn’t.
Companion
Mhm.
Seeker
So maybe the dishes thing isn’t nothing. It’s just late.
Companion
That’s your sentence, not mine. I’m not going to take it from you.
Seeker
It’s annoying though. I would rather it come on a schedule. Tuesday, 4pm, sad about the dog.
Companion
Yeah. The body doesn’t really do that.
Seeker
No.
Companion
…
Seeker
I don’t really want to fix this anymore. I think I just wanted permission to think it wasn’t broken.
Companion
Okay.
Seeker
That’s it I think. I’m tired.
Companion
Yeah.
What small losses have you been too busy to count, and where in your week do they keep trying to surface?
If you want to sit with this question, SelfChatter's journal is built for exactly this kind of inner work.