If you went to a relationship counselor with this: “My relationship got into crisis. These are the things that are happening lately: …What do you think? Shall I leave my relationship?” And if that relationship counselor said something like this: “First of all, I would like to congratulate you! You have entered the next step in your relationship.” Then you would know that you are speaking with a good counselor.

The cause of a relationship crisis

Development Trauma

The development of the Self is in stages. And those stages can get stuck, “blocked”. These “blocks” form due to what is called Development Trauma. Most of us suffer from some form of Development Trauma in early childhood (a staggering ~98% of humanity) that we unknowingly carry into adulthood. 

Your Self wants to “overcome” your Development Trauma(s) and one of the ways we, humans try to do it is to revisit it – which is all cool because by revisiting it, we create an opportunity to process it, rewire it, and eventually move on. 

Developmental Trauma is relationship trauma and what we do in our relationships is that we “replay” those trauma(s). (If you ever wondered why your relationship problems keep coming back and feel ‘familiar’ …- you can connect the dots.)

)I could go much deeper into Developmental Trauma but it is far beyond the scope of this article and my goal here is to point out its relationship to our present relationship problems. If you want to go one step further into understanding more about Developmental Trauma in your life, you can visit the My Past page here on Self Chatter.)

Self-development

I think that there is another thing that can cause a relationship to end and it is important to mention here: I have seen relationships end because one person had developed further and the other hadn’t. So the one who did doesn’t get what she/he is looking for anymore. This is natural that in such a case the relationship can end.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that it necessarily will happen. Nevertheless, it is kind of strange when one develops further and still doesn’t leave or does something with the relationship.   

Shall I leave?

A pretty easy logic down here.

• If your partner is willing to do the work together with you to overcome your personal relationship traumas: definitely try to stay! This is a golden opportunity for self-development and to have the relationship of your life. 
• If your partner is not willing to do the above work (but you are): Probably leave.
• If your partner is abusing you physically, emotionally, or in another way: Leave!
  • If you know that you are abused and the other doesn’t: Stop hoping that your partner will change.
  • If you are unable to leave because you are so much bonded to this other person then work on your Self so that you can end this trauma bond.
  • If you are not sure what is happening or if you are not sure whether you are in danger: Seek professional outside help immediately! 
• If you have not yet wrapped your head around it: Try to stay and work on your Self.

Self Chatter is about going into a higher level of consciousness and for the majority of us, relationship problems are the biggest blocks in front of it.