“My financial struggles correlate to how safe I feel.” If this resonates with you, this exercise may be valuable to you.
Self-Observation on my financial struggles
- I look at money as something hard to get.
- Earning money is labor that is not about enjoyment. Work is constant hardship and there is no end to it.
- Why do I think that there is no end to it? Do I think I can never get it?
- People I know who have fewer issues with money do not look at money this way. I can see they have less fear about it.
- I feel fear. I feel I am dependent on money.
- I find that I am dependent on people giving me money…They decide ‘to keep me alive’.
- Oh, I cannot imagine I deserve it.
- I cannot imagine I can have enough.
Chain of thoughts coming when I am able to go deeper
- Do I think my work is not particularly valuable? Somewhat yes. When something goes easy I actually feel some level of shame. ‘I did not push hard enough, I did not struggle hard enough.’ This is shame. But I cannot get out of it, even if I understand that it is shame that I feel.
- I identify work with something that I must do so that things will be ok. What is it that I want to get out of work? What does this mental image represent on an abstract level?
- I want safety. Money will keep me safe.
- Dependence…
- Dependence is the key.
- I find that I depend on people when it comes to my finances.
- Sometimes I go into situations and relationships where this is the accepted dynamic. I mean some kind of dependence and hardship. This dependence is more about people than money itself.
- So this is the belief I built up about money: It is about safety, it is about ‘doing what the other wants’, and it is about proving my self-worth.
- BULLSHIT! These have nothing to do with reality. I made them a reality to make sense of things and try to find solutions.
- I end this twisted belief of mine.
- I will go into situations where work and money are about enjoyment and value. And not about dependence and people using each other.
- I look at money as something that can come to me. It is not blocked.
- Nobody is keeping it back from me. This is actually true.
- This ‘easiness’ about money may feel awkward at first because I am not used to it. So I let myself get used to it.
(Are you angry now? Do you find that you did not get what you wanted from this article? Use this anger to find what is blocking you.)
The above self-observation exercise is just one possible flow of associations. It is meant to stimulate you and by no means it is implied that it is about you.
(If you are new to the concept of self-observation or looking for some practical guidance then maybe read this article: How Self-Observation Works)
(None of the articles on Self Chatter are generated by AI.)
