Become mentally and emotionally free, and have a strong sense of Self. Have the level of individuation that I can correct myself, calm myself, make decisions from my inner knowing, and so on. The majority of us – either consciously or unconsciously – are working to reach this state. And only a few of us can get there in today’s world.
This article is primarily a reminder of the importance of mental and emotional independence.
Dependence before independence
Our biggest problems are relationship related. How is it? Why not some other things? What is it about relationships that make them so hard to manage?
I agree with this view – not my view, it comes from Developmental Psychology: The development of the self is in stages. The first stages (the very early years of life) are dependent in nature. In these early stages we are dependent on the outside world physically, mentally, and emotionally. As we develop, we have certain needs that depend on the ‘outside world’, and certain developmental steps to make ourselves. To make the long story short, we rely on our caretakers to have our needs met.
And problems do happen in these ‘Dependent’ stages. And those ‘problems’ are relationship ‘problems’.
And if those problems are not resolved then those early stages of development cannot finish properly and our next stages of development – Independence – will not be able to finish either. Want to learn more about these stages? Look here: My Past
Is it normal to have this many problems with our relationships?
I personally do not think that this is normal. This level of suffering should not be normal, and also its systemic nature, happening to the whole of humanity tells me that it is not going in the right direction and shall be changed.
Is my independence so important?
(At this stage of our history/evolution) I am not sure what could be more important. This is instinctive. We now want to leave our dependencies behind, we want to finally get out of our victim consciousness, we want to get over our narcissistic wounds (just to name a few things).
Shall I try to ‘sell’ Independence to you?..it won’t be hard: You feel very much together, you have a strong sense of self, while you understand and relate to others’ emotions and thoughts, you are not dependent on them – you have strong limits and an independent view. You can take care of yourself and your self-trust is coming from your own self-awareness.
I am writing this post in the second half of 2022 and I believe that we are nearing an inflection point, and we will see positive changes in the near couple of years in connection to our independent state of mind too. (And some pain and fear before.)
I can imagine that you are noticing too that while people, institutions, groups, and systems around us are acting as very independent entities, it is becoming clear that these behaviors are false and are in the process of falling apart and changing. And the change coming is for the better.
Am I already independent?
These are just a few ideas. A quick consciousness checks if you will.
- Do you have any addictions?
- Addictions are forms of dependence.
- Do you get triggered around your family of origin?
- Most of our problems are relationship related and the people closest to us can trigger our unfinished business around relationship needs the most.
- Do you many times fall back into a ‘black-and-white’ mindset?
- Independent in some areas, not yet in some others
- Keep in mind that in certain parts of our life we may be more mature than in others. This is normal.
