“My avoidant behavior comes from my most basic need of being connected.” If this resonates with you, then this self-inquiry exercise may be valuable to you.
Self-Observation on my avoidant nature
- I am trying to protect myself.
- It is natural to me that I am trying to protect myself.
- My avoidant nature is self-protection.
- What I can say now that it is ‘this situation’ that I want to avoid.
- I cannot say what I want to avoid. This is why I am saying ‘this situation’. This moment.
- If I avoid it that means I am safe from its bad effects.
- I cannot say what this something is that I want to avoid. It is not conscious but I know that it is not good for me.
Chain of thoughts coming when I am able to go deeper
- There is something that is strange: Why do I stay in it if it is not good for me? If I just walked away there would be nothing to avoid.
- This something that I want to avoid is not here now but it is an image in my head.
- Ah, ok: I want this situation. I am attached to it.
- Then it is again a connection issue, a relationship issue. I need the connection, I am attached to it.
- I want connection but I got used to being in connection that is not fully good for me.
- So what I do is stay in it but avoid it, avoid parts of it. I don’t have a better idea.
- I am in two worlds at the same time.
- What two worlds?
- I want to be myself and want to be in connection. But right now my belief is that if I am in connection then I cannot be myself.
- The reality is that in many connections it is true.
- So what will give me the motivation, the strength to be myself, no matter what?
The above self-observation exercise is just one possible flow of associations. It is meant to stimulate you, and by no means is it implied that it is about you.
