What is really behind my avoidant nature?

“My avoidant behavior comes from my most basic need of being connected.” If this resonates with you, then this self-inquiry exercise may be valuable to you.

Self-Observation on my avoidant nature

• I am trying to protect myself.
• It is natural to me that I am trying to protect myself. 
• My avoidant nature is self-protection.
• What I can say now that it is ‘this situation’ that I want to avoid. 
• I cannot say what I want to avoid. This is why I am saying ‘this situation’. This moment.
• If I avoid it that means I am safe from its bad effects.
• I cannot say what this something is that I want to avoid. It is not conscious but I know that it is not good for me.

Chain of thoughts coming when I am able to go deeper

• There is something that is strange: Why do I stay in it if it is not good for me? If I just walked away there would be nothing to avoid.
• This something that I want to avoid is not here now but it is an image in my head. 
• Ah, ok: I want this situation. I am attached to it. 
• Then it is again a connection issue, a relationship issue. I need the connection, I am attached to it.
• I want connection but I got used to being in connection that is not fully good for me. 
• So what I do is stay in it but avoid it, avoid parts of it. I don’t have a better idea.
• I am in two worlds at the same time.
• What two worlds?
• I want to be myself and want to be in connection. But right now my belief is that if I am in connection then I cannot be myself. 
• The reality is that in many connections it is true. 
• So what will give me the motivation, the strength to be myself, no matter what?

The above self-observation exercise is just one possible flow of associations. It is meant to stimulate you, and by no means is it implied that it is about you.