“My constant eating is a self-soothing tool to calm myself from the stress that I don’t get what I want.” If this resonates with you, this exercise may be valuable to you.
Self-Observation on my constant hunger
- One of the main themes in my life is that I feel I don’t get what I want. There is this constant sense of lack.
- What I feel is fear, weakness, and confusion. So eating comes to my mind. At least this I can control.
- I feel embarrassed.
- This is an addiction because I feel I am dependent on food. Why am I dependent?
- What is most stressful is the confusion. It feels as if I am just waiting for something to happen, not sure what to do.
- I want more, more, more. I just cannot satisfy myself. To me, it just means that eating will not help. It is not food that I want…
- This is a somatic sensation in my body and it has to do with my throat. But this is far from just somatic.
Chain of thoughts coming when I am able to go deeper
- I realize what I feel is not actual, physical hunger, but the desire to eat. I mean when I can look a bit deeper, I realize that most of the time I am not even hungry when I want to eat.
- My mind connected eating with my feeling that I am missing something.
- I also realize that I have learned this behavior. Now I realize that it is a collective behavior. We learned this coping mechanism from each other.
- I cannot say what it is that I do not get. I feel trapped this way.
- I feel shame and embarrassment. Not only because I got overweight but also because I feel needy.
- My neediness: It is normal in the sense that I really did not get things that I should have. What is not normal is that it is still stuck in me. Probably time to let go.
- There is something deeper here than just my neediness. Fear. Fear of losing my safety. I lost connection. At least this is how I understand it now.
- When I become conscious about my need for connection, my hunger is not that important because I feel that I am not that dependent on ‘that indescribable need’. As the only thing that can ‘save’ me.
The above self-observation exercise is just one possible flow of associations. It is meant to stimulate you and by no means it is implied that it is about you.
(If you are new to the concept of self-observation or looking for some practical guidance then maybe read this article: How Self-Observation Works)