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What is really behind my desire to achieve something big?

Loss • Self-inquiry exercises • Inspiring • Independence • Confidence • Fear • Anger • Trauma • Shame • Limits • Anxiety • Depression • Stress March 7, 2023

“I have unconsciously set myself the life goal to achieve something big. Why?”

If this resonates with you, what follows may help you see something about yourself. It is a real self-inquiry — one person’s inner dialogue on this question, unaltered except for readability.

Self-Observation on my desire to achieve something big

  • I can only think of my life that it must be a success story. By success, I mean something big. Anything else is almost meaningless and is many times just a waste of energy. 

  • It is putting a burden on everything that I do in my life.

  • Nothing is good enough.

  • It feels good to think about the time when I will be truly successful. 

  • This is an order I have given myself. I feel I need to sacrifice myself for this.

  • This goal is not a cause but an effect. I understand from books, psychologists, and others that this is a sign that I have low self-esteem. I don’t see it this way. 

  • I allow no real playfulness for myself. Now I realize that I sort of look down on people who are not hard-working super-achievers. 

  • Everything is hard to achieve. Close to impossible.

  • I do not allow myself to fail. 

Chain of thoughts coming when I am able to go deeper

  • I think I have set this goal for myself. I don’t remember when. But it is coming from me. At least this is how I perceive it.

  • My mindset is such that everything is very serious. 

  • I identified my life with this goal.

  • I just now realize that I have set myself a goal that is impossible to reach.

  • I also realize that there is something paradox in my thinking: I set a goal that is near-impossible to reach and only then I will be fine. But: I sort of ‘know’ that the only way to reach it is if I change completely. Then sadly it means that I must have a problem with my own self. 

  • Can I only reach what I want if I change myself? Is this a good logic and life goal? 

If you achieved something truly big tomorrow — what feeling do you imagine it would finally give you, and where else might that feeling be found?

If you want to sit with this question, SelfChatter’s journal is built for exactly this kind of inner work.