"I just can't figure out what it is I am waiting for in my life."
If this resonates with you, what follows may help you see something about yourself. It is a real self-inquiry — one person's inner dialogue on this question, unaltered except for readability.
Self-Observation on my waiting for something to happen
- I don’t know what I am waiting for.
- I don’t want to do anything else until this happens. Even if I don’t know now what I am waiting for, I will know when it happens.
- I am afraid to go all in on things until something happens because I am afraid that I will make a mistake or go in the wrong direction.
- I feel very uneasy.
- I am fed up with myself.
- I feel that I am at a standstill.
- There are a lot of things that I don’t want to do. And when I have to do something that I don’t want, it gives me a hard time.
- I want to calm down. Is that all I am waiting for?
- Am I missing love or attention? Or admiration?
- I feel like a victim.
- The thing I am waiting for is not something I lost, but something I did not get, maybe.
Chain of thoughts coming when I am able to go deeper
- I feel stuck.
- I want to feel ready.
- While I am waiting, I am calming myself with addictions…This is how I cope with the stress that comes with it.
- I am waiting because I do not feel safe to move, to do something.
- I am realizing that this waiting is actually a sign of a level of intelligence.
- I am starting to realize that this thing I am waiting for will happen in me, not outside of me.
- I want to feel whole. This is the core of why I am waiting
- If I think of God and want to find out if there is something I want from her, then I feel some guilt: Because I want God to show up… I want to know that God exists.
- I need to make a change. It won’t come from outside. I want a change.
What if the thing you're waiting for can only happen after you stop waiting — and that's exactly what makes it so hard to stop?
The question doesn't need solving now. If you want to keep it company, SelfChatter is where you can.