“The core and most important reason why I can’t commit to things is my unconscious fear about it.” If this statement resonates then this post may be for you. This post is more a call to seize an opportunity than a “clever” analysis of why it happens.

The opportunity

It is so hard for most of us to realize that the main belief system we have is shaped by our fears. It is not an overstatement.  

This fear, which is at the core, doesn’t only apply to commitments, but to everything actually. It just usually shows itself very well at times when we need to decide and commit to something. And this is the reason why I am writing this post because by reading this, it may pop into your mind the next time you are facing a decision point and need to make a commitment of some kind.

What am I talking about here? The way to release a toxic thought (and the painful emotion that is attached to it) can be done at the very moment when it comes. So when this fear, this anxiety hits you then you have a golden opportunity to look at it consciously. It may not matter if you can consciously ‘trace it’ to something that happened to you or figure out in any other way why you have that unconscious fear. The same release can happen just by being able to look at it and examine it consciously. This is your consciousness helping you big time. Let it happen.

Tell yourself that you are going to catch it the next time it pops up. 

Here is a short article to help yourself with self-observation: Quick help for self-observation.

Another one, which is a practical guide on how to do it: When does a change happen in me?

Ideas for what may be at play

If you are the type who wants to find concretely what is behind your anxiety here is a small list of ideas as food for thought on what may be at play behind your ‘inability’ to commit. (The list could certainly go on.)

• “Not good enough” thinking 
• Toxic Shame
  • I guess it speaks for itself that when you don’t think you are good enough then you will have a hard time committing.
• Addictions
  • Addictions have a lot to do with shame and addiction can block a lot of things from happening in your life.
• Your healthy judgment
  • Let’s not rule out the possibility that you don’t commit to things because you instinctively know that those are not good for you. Then the next logical question may be: Why do you mess yourself into such situations?
• Committing to ‘too’ many things
  • Are you maybe committing to too many things? Is everything ok with your limits?