“I let people betray me because I am afraid of independence.” If this resonates with you, this exercise may be valuable to you.
Self-observation on why I let people betray me
- Betrayal has been around me all my life.
- I want people to be fully trustable.
- When someone betrays me the first feeling I have is sadness. I am sad for the other person and for myself that our unity has fallen apart.
- It is so much part of my life that it usually takes quite some time for me to understand that I feel betrayed.
- Actually, it is not just feeling betrayed. I can very easily fall into situations where people really do betray me.
- I understand that I have a part in creating the situation. I don’t like to admit it but I have to.
- What is strange is that I justify the other person’s behavior. No, it is not strange… I realize that it is a coping mechanism.
- Why do I let people betray me?
- I want people to be fully trustable. And I want to be so close to them; And so much together with them.
- And then comes reality.
- And I hate myself to be betrayed again.
- One of the things I do is to try to ‘make them understand’, and convince them.
- Of what?
- It is disgusting for me to accept that people are not always 100% trustworthy. I am not always 100% trustable.
- It is just one fact of human life.
- I put a lot of trust in people. This is natural to me.
- When I observe myself trusting someone, it is a good feeling. I don’t want to lose it. I think it is something very valuable to me.
- When someone betrays me the first feeling I have is sadness. I am sad for the other person and for myself that our unity has fallen apart.
- Betrayal is something very much part of the human experience.
- I need to see what part I have in creating the situation.
- I see that it has to do with me not being mentally and emotionally independent.
- I am looking for unity at the wrong place… through connecting with someone through their ego.
- I realize I am afraid to accept that I shall be independent.
- Though it is easy after all: Until I am dependent on another person, it is not even love and unity. Just a form of dependence.
- I trust that I can find unity even after becoming independent. Though it still feels odd. I want unity and still, I know that I have to give it up to really find it.
- I don’t trust but I know that the unity I am looking for comes after independence.
The above self-observation exercise is just one possible flow of associations. It is meant to stimulate you and by no means it is implied that it is about you.
(If you are new to the concept of self-observation or looking for some practical guidance then maybe read this article: How Self-Observation Works)
