Did you ever consciously or unconsciously ask yourself these questions? Why don’t I fit in the world around me? Why do I feel like an outsider? Is there something wrong with me that I am not able to ‘feel good’ like others?
Good news number one
There are far far more people who feel this way than most of us think. (And they pretty much do the same thing: Try to hide that they don’t fit in.)
Good news number two
What do I exactly not fit into? A sick environment? Good!!
So not fitting may actually be a strong sign that I am healthy in mind.
I have been thinking quite some why this matter is actually so painful. Here is a work-in-progress list of thoughts.
We are social beings and we want to belong.
Be it our family of origin, our workplace, country, and so on – most of the people I talk with on this (and who have thought it over to some degree) agree that they see the same level of dysfunctionality in all of those environments. So we are left with this seemingly intractable conflict that we don’t want to leave the environments we found ourselves in but we are suffering in it.
Shame
We can very easily feel shame and think that there is something wrong with us when we see that many people behave and think very differently from us.
Sadness
It is sad to realize that some people are so unconscious that this thought of not fitting in doesn’t even come close to them in their lives. I know it sounds opinionated and I understand that it is probably my problem that I would like to ‘save’ people. Nevertheless it is there and I hear other people have a hard time with this too.
Spiritual bankruptcy and depression
(The term is not mine and I read it first when I read about shame but it may belong here too.) We come to this world with full of potential, with an open heart and benevolent intentions and it seems as if the more we are open the more we seem to get robbed.
Any way out?
I admit this is a tricky question and I am using it to provoke myself a bit further.
So how do I – WE – find our way out?
I think that we found the way out. Right the minute when we became conscious that we do not fit in. I take that as good news number three. The problem is not with us.
(There could be so many other things that we could talk about when we think about why we do not fit in. Like how the social systems we built are a mirror of humanity’s thought patterns and how we could change them; Or what coping mechanisms people use to compensate this. Maybe later, or in a separate post. Nevertheless one thing I trust we can all agree on: Any form of aggression is nor an acceptable, neither a proper ‘coping mechanism’.)
