When I catch myself in the moment and realize that I am holding my breath back and use self-reflection, self-observation I see two things: Anxiety and sadness.

The anxiety is telling me that I am afraid to let myself loose.

I am not sure what my sadness is telling me. The closest I can get is that I may feel sad because I realize that this is my life. This is what I am carrying along in my life. Maybe this sadness is the reason for the anxiety I feel – I want to let myself loose because I know that this is what I truly want but I don’t dare to because then I would have to face my sadness fully.