Why can’t I figure out what I really want?

“I can’t figure out what I want from my life because something is pulling me back into this warm, cradle-like state of being.” If this resonates with you, then this self-inquiry exercise may be valuable to you.

(While the below inner dialogue certainly may not be fully about you, it is real. It isn’t altered for a more pleasurable experience, only for readability. If you find it useful, then do your own self-reflection.)

Self-reflection on why I can’t figure out what I want from my life

• What is it really I am looking for? 
• I want to feel calm and relaxed.
• And sometimes quite the opposite; I want to feel wild.
• I want to feel safe.
• I am looking for love also. And Success.
• Ah, I could go on with this list. 
• What I do see about myself now is that I am in a state of chaos.
• I want this chaos to end.
• This chaotic state depletes my energy level, and I just want to relax and calm down. 
• I have my ways of calming myself. I go into my warm, dream-like state that is so well known to me. It is like being in a cradle. 
• And this ‘cradle’ is sucking me in. It is truly comforting and nurturing.
• But when I observe myself, I see that this is not what I really want. Deep down, I feel that this alone isn’t right for me anymore. 
• I don’t want to be ‘sucked into this cradle’ anymore. I don’t just want to be one with it; It is not enough for me; My life has to be about other things too. 
• And as I am looking at this cradle, I realize I am afraid of it. 
• Actually, it is a big soup of chaotic everything. And the more I immerse myself in it, the more I lose my consciousness. 
• I realize now that my ‘cradle’ isn’t just all good. It is actually dangerous. 
• And most importantly, it wants to suck me in. It is its nature.  
• I am truly frightened to totally immerse myself in it. And I am frightened not to become my own Self. 
• It is fear that keeps me confused.
• And luckily, my open heart. 
• I cannot think of a better feeling as I am writing these lines than the vision of my open heart. It is coming from both poles.